I hate FC Barcelona. I hate them with a fucking passion. I've hated them ever since Marquez and Puyol kicked Henry to bits in the Champions League final. I hated them when Larsson came on and changed the game. I hated them when they lifted the Cup in front of me in the pissing rain in Paris. I hated them when they signed Henry at the end of the following season. I hated them even more when they took us apart over two legs last season.
I've taken it further. I hate their city. I hate their Ramblas. I hate their hot chocolate with 'churros'. I hate Gaudi. I hate their Parc Guell. I hate their Casa Mila. I hate Montjuic. I hate their unfinished stupid drippy cathedral.
Bitter? God, yes. If Thierry had slotted in one of his two chances in the 2006 final and we'd have won, I'd probably love the fucking place. But he didn't, and I don't. As you may have gathered.
Their incessant pursuit of Fabregas doesn't entirely make me happy either. Every time one of their players opens his gob, the letters D, N and A invariably drip out. Yes he's Spanish/Catalan, yes he used to play for you a long time ago, but he doesn't anymore. If you thought he was that good, maybe you should have tried just a little harder to keep him in the first place.
I hate Xavi more. Because he looks like Robert Downey Jnr, and as we all know, he's a cock.
Cock
I don't mind Messi, though. He's Argentinian, and he'll be some player. Mark my words.
We play them tomorrow, you know. Yes, we do. With the majority of the English press, the Spanish press, the World press, the Universal Press and the Alien Press Association (Thrib Wibnot Thripnab) writing us off before a ball has been kicked, I hope to God we play as we all know we can. If Sporting HEEhon can stop them playing, then I see no earthly reason why we can't. Robin Van Persie's on fire at the moment, Cesc will surely be licking his lips - fired up against his suitors, and in Jack Wilshere we have a precocious young talent surely ready to fully announce himself against one of the greatest teams that ever put down jumpers for goalposts. Is he ready for this? Yes, I think he is. I really do.
Clichy will have his work cut out, no question, but he will need support from the player is front of him. If Nasri is as fit as we're hearing, then he may start - a bit of a risk, in my opinion, with plenty more important games coming up. If not, Arshavin will retain his place, and cover back he must. Big time. The centre halves, I'm not too worried about, oddly. I think with the guile of Djourou and the speed of Koscielny we should be ok, they just need to stay fully concentrated. It's the threat from our right hand side that's worrying me. The legend that is Eboue will start instead of the suspended (doh) Sagna, and at best he's jittery. Still, he'll only be up against Messi. Eyes down, Emmanuel, eyes down. And Szczesny? Don't worry about him, he doesn't.
We have to close them down, harry them off the ball (Song, with your hair), force them into making mistakes, don't give them time to pick their passes, just like they do. Fight fire with fire. Get it out wide to Theo, the one player that honestly scares them. Let him run at Maxwell, let him pick the correct pass and let RVP stroke it in. An then do it again. And again.
They are a brilliant team, no doubt. We are a brilliant team on our day, and yes, Barca are beatable, very much so, of course they are. It will require maximum effort from everyone, including the home crowd. It's a massive ask to beat them over two legs, but by defeating them at The Emirates, it'll give them something to think about for the return at Camp Nou, especially with not a Silvestre in sight.
Oh, and please, again, no oles. I fucking hate them too.
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